Call center agents = Endless Entertainment

The phone rings, someone picks up and then hands it to me.

(Surprised because no one ever calls me at home) Me: Hello?

Citibank Guy (at 70 words a second): Ma'am, this is so-and-so from Citibank and I'm just calling you to ask if you are satisfied with our service and whether you are receiving your billing statements on time.

Me (worried, absolutely paranoid about late charges): Yes, I have been, but last month's statement was late but I made my payments anyway, just guessing the amount due. Is something wrong?

CG: No ma'am we were just verifying (too fast to understand)...Bythewayareyouawarethatyourcreditlimithasbeenincreasedrecently?Youhavebeenselectedoutofthemanysubscribersofthiscardtypebecauseofyourgoodcreditstandingandyouhavenotincurredanypenaltiesorlatecharges...

Me (flattered): Oh yeah I know, yeah that's cool thanks.

CG: Notonlythatma'am,inadditiontoyournewcreditlimitwearealsoofferingyouanextra40,000pesosatverycompetitivelylowinterestratesintheformofamanager'scheck...doyouhaveanythingenrolledinthepayliteplanatthemoment...?

Me (getting confused): Actually yes I do, I've just bought a camera and..

CG: Wellma'amyouhavetheopportunitytousethemanager'schecktopayforitatalowerinterestrate...

Me (confused): But I thought the paylite plan allowed me to pay within a certain amount of time at zero percent interest? Are you telling me I am getting charged with interest every month? Why, that's misrepresentation--

CG: Well ma'am that's how some stores do it...(too fast)

Me: What stores do it? I don't understand. I thought it was a Citibank promo thing?

CG: Nonoma'am,Ijustmeantthatifyouhaveanoutstandingbalanceafterbilling,payingwiththemanager'scheckthatisonlyavailabletoselectedsubscribersandyouhavebeenselectedbecauseofyour goodcreditstandingalowerinterestratewillbechargedtoyou--

Me: But if I pay on time every month like I always do, I won't be charged the interest?

CG: That'srightbutma'amyouseethisisaspecialofferthatIthoughtyoumightliketoavailbecause (too fast again and lots of numbers)

Me: Well you just raised my credit limit, right? I don't think I need all that money right now, there isn't anything I want to buy just yet but thank you.

CG: Wellma'amwhilewe'reonthephoneIwouldalsoliketoofferanotherpromothatisavailabletoyoubecauseofyourgoodcreditstanding,whichisthebalanceprotector..

Me (curious): Ooh, Balance Protector. What's that?

CG: Wellma'am...

I'm going to spare you. Basically he wanted me to avail of this balance protector thing because should anything untoward happen to me and I have an outstanding balance in my account, neither I nor my family will be held liable for it any longer because that's how good it is. To make it short, I wasn't getting charged extra in my billing statement because I'm such a goody goody, with my good credit standing and all, so he was trying to charge me for my unbilled balances. Only he calls it a 'contribution'. It's not much, about 6 pesos for every 1,000 pesos worth of transactions that I make. But let's say I had 5,000 unbilled every month, that would be 35 and for a whole year that's 420. It went on for at least 30 minutes, him giving me the hard sell and basically repeating that something bad could happen to me at anytime. He even went as far as asking me for confirmation to go ahead with the pre-activation and I had to be clear that I didn't want it so I said, Hey wait a minute, I haven't agreed to anything. He was actually being very slick and I had to put a stop to it because I was going to be late for work. So I said:

Me: Well I don't think I'll need it right now, I'm not really interested in extra charges (being careful not to call it contribution even after being corrected at least a dozen times by him), but thanks.

CG (persistent bastard that he is): Wellokayma'am,butlikeIsaid,ifanythinguntowardhappens..

Me (laughing a little): I'm going to keep using the card and I'm going to keep paying on time, you don't need to scare me with the what-ifs.

CG (indignant): I wasn't trying to scare you, who says I was, I merely said that--

Me: Well you keep telling me I could die at any moment, basically making me afraid enough to buy just about anything--

Dial tone.